New beginnings

For many people, a new year is a great time to reflect on what’s been happening in your life, and make changes. The theory is that if we start fresh, we can leave the past behind and make this year a better year than the previous one. The problem with resolutions is there is too much pressure – what if we don’t meet our goals? What if we let ourselves down, and have an even worse year than the last?

One big scary thing for me in the new year is a brand new insurance plan. This might not seem scary to most folks, and I recognize that my anxiety is most likely unnecessary. The new plan means I get to choose a new doctor. In this case, the doctor is a lot closer to our house, so that is a HUGE plus. I also know if the new doctor doesn’t work out, there’s a whole big network out there to choose from. The scary part comes from my struggles with my health over the years, and taking all of those struggles, and putting them in front of a new face and saying “here, my last 5 years of turmoil, try to make sense of it” and then hoping the new doctor will be as helpful as the last. I have so many prescriptions to transfer, medical records to transfer, not to mention I have tons of paperwork that needs to be filled out. It’s a little daunting. I know from experience that this will not be as horrible as I fear, but I can’t seem to brush off the anxiety. It reminds me of the first day of school – every year, you may be excited to see all your friends again, but that frog in your throat when you put on your brand new school clothes, put your brand new supplies in your backpack and get on the bus… that is how ALL change feels to me. New, scary, exciting.

Today, I took the first step and made the appointment to see my new doctor, and get all of my records and prescriptions transferred. It was not very scary, just talking to the receptionist. I even called the eye doctor for my follow-up, since I was on a roll. These are simple things for most people, but even using the phone gives me a ton of anxiety.

I feel good about stepping up and getting these things out of the way. When I got off work, I mixed up a new batch of my Splenda-ized banana bread, and here I am feeling like I’ve climbed a mountain of success for the day.

I know I didn’t have to wait until a new year to make changes, but it feels like the right time. So much is already different this year, and I feel like it will be easier to keep myself on track so long as I keep posting here, being accountable to myself, and finding more excitement in my journey than anxiety.


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